Ritual
A few years ago Mindy was in Los Angeles for a week-long training event, and so it was on me to put Reese to bed. By that point in Reese’s life Mindy almost always put her to bed under the normal, day-in-day-out flow of our household. I usually stayed in the living room doing whatever I do.
How had it gotten that way? Had I gotten lazy? Had we decided bedtime should become sacred mother-daughter time? Some of both? Probably.
In any case, the week Mindy was in LA I looked back fondly to the days Mindy and I used to put Reese to bed together. (I won’t say “put Reese down” because that sounds like what you do for a beloved but hopelessly ill pet).
Mindy and I had both been Christian pastors since before we were married, but we’d always had trouble finding a regular time each day to pray together as a couple. That was until Reese came along.
At Reese’s bedtime we’d do essentially the same thing every night – a holy habit or righteous ritual, if you will.
We’d take Reese into her room and all three of us would sit on the floor. Then we’d read a story from a children’s Bible we liked a great deal. It had a pretty good selection of Old and New Testament stories that were told quickly. It was all in verse, so it was kind of fun to read aloud.
After the story, we’d read a prayer from A Little Child’s First Prayers, which I found on the clearance rack at (the now defunct) Borders Bookstore.
Here’s an example from the prayerbook: Dear Lord, thank you for the rivers and streams, lakes, and ponds. They give us lovely places to visit and water to drink. There are many places in the world where people do not have enough water to drink or to grow their food. Please help us to help them.
Next we’d say the Lord’s Prayer and have a few moments of freelance prayer. We’d thank God for the day. We would pray for family members, friends, people in the congregation. We’d give thanks for the food we’d eaten that day. We’d pray about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. We’d give thanks for the cat. Basically, we’d pray about whatever our spirits offered up in the present moment.
(Side note: Reese, at a very young age, would often pray for someone named “Eeiighaaaboo”. We never could figure out who that was.)
Finally we’d sing Reese her night-night song and say goodnight. Here are the lyrics: Good night, (insert your child’s name here). Lay down and take you rest. We’re gonna lay your head upon the Savior’s breast. We love you, but Jesus loves you best. So we bid you good night, good night, gooood niiiight.
I was amazed then and even more amazed now by how much it meant to me to have that regular, habitual time with Mindy and Reese and the Lord. Times change, patterns shift, but that need is still there. As it should be.
How to fill that need now that things have changed?
Maybe I just need to get my backside off the couch and get back into the night-night family prayer habit. Or, perhaps by now bedtime has in fact become sacred Mother-Daughter time and so a new holy habit needs to emerge?
But, if Jesus, prayer, and connecting with my family in Christ are all important (and they are), then a new practice to demonstrate that must come into being. If it doesn’t, are those things truly important to me?
Think about it for a second: If I say eating is really important for my life, but I never make time and space to eat, am I telling the truth? Will I survive?
How are these kinds of things – prayer habits, connecting with people around Jesus, etc. – working for you? Do you need to switch things up? If you do, let me know. I can, after all, set you up with a really sweet rhyming children’s Bible.
A Reese’s Revenge from Karyssa…
Yes, Dad, it’s fine you wrote this about me.
I think Eeiighaaaboo was my imaginary friend.
The first version. The version before I found out that Mom had been pregnant before she was pregnant with me. Then Chris became my imaginary friend. Now my imaginary friends are my dolls. They’re intertwined with my personality.
I don’t remember the bedtime ritual from way back when I was really little. But I do remember the Rhyme Bible and the prayer book. And I remember the song. We still sing it every night. You come in for the singing pretty often. And for the Lord’s Prayer too.
The rituals change, but they still happen every night, except for the nights I’m conked out right when I hit the bed.
But the bedtime rituals change, evolve, and that’s OK.
There was a time mom would read me long novels as part of getting ready for bed. Anne of Green Gables. Narnia. Now that I read a lot myself, Mom and I watch a TV show or part of a movie a lot of nights before bed. It gives me something to think about.
And Mom and I have also added listing three thankfuls most nights before bed. We have 668 written in the book, I think. Our goal is 1000. So we still need 332. Prayer is still an important part of bedtime.
Sometimes I miss you, but usually I like just Mom at bedtime. It is bonding time. But, when Mom was gone Sunday nights every week for a year, you filled in fine. Prayed with me. Read me that mystery book with all the zoo animals in it. I think The Secret Zoo was the name.
You and I bond in a different way. We explore. We go around town. We hike. We get out of the house.
Rituals or habits can be good or bad. One bad habit for me is saying, “Dang it!” Another was chewing with my mouth open. I’m better about that now. Usually. Worrying too much can become a bad habit or ritual too.
Rituals are very important to me at bedtimes and at other times to0.
It’s hard for me to go off-ritual, especially at bedtime. Maybe it’s because I have never ever liked bedtime. I like being awake. It would be good if we didn’t have to sleep. I know you like to sleep, but I think it would be pretty good.
I remember my first night at camp. I was nervous when bedtime came, but then a great happenstance happened. My camp counselor sung us the same night song you and Mom have always sung me. Except she put “girls” in where my name would usually go.
Getting off-ritual is hard. Once I couldn’t fall asleep because I hadn’t brushed my teeth. Finally I got up and brushed them, and then I was able to go to sleep.
I have other rituals too.
I have a memory box. I heard about the idea somewhere and started doing it. I’m not going to tell you where it is. It’s hidden.
A lot of the stuff in it is kinda junky, but each thing is connected to a big, deep memory for me.
I have a picture of Daddy’s Dad in it. (That’s not junky.) I have a rock, some papers, a craft I made with a really good friend, my info sheet from my first Irish Dance Feis. There’s other things too. Choosing what goes in the box and putting it in is an important ritual for me.
Here’s another one. When I get home from school pretty soon after snack and homework I like to put a TV show on my tablet and play it in the background while I do my art. More than watch it, I sort of just listen to the show. Kinda like radio for my ears while I work.
That daily ritual helps my body relax, and it also helps me get better at art, at making miniature things. When I’m doing it I’m calm, and it’s like my hands just know what to do. The ritual becomes full of joy and happiness for me.
I think most everyone can find a ritual that involves their gifts, if they’re open to looking for it. And that ritual becomes a good time with God.
If I were going to design a ritual habit to focus on God it would involve a lot of calm, slow breathing and relaxation exercises. It would have quiet time to pray whatever comes to mind. They’re probably be coloring. The goal would be to give your mind to God. It would be twenty minutes.
But I could probably only do it for ten.
How had it gotten that way? Had I gotten lazy? Had we decided bedtime should become sacred mother-daughter time? Some of both? Probably.
In any case, the week Mindy was in LA I looked back fondly to the days Mindy and I used to put Reese to bed together. (I won’t say “put Reese down” because that sounds like what you do for a beloved but hopelessly ill pet).
Mindy and I had both been Christian pastors since before we were married, but we’d always had trouble finding a regular time each day to pray together as a couple. That was until Reese came along.
At Reese’s bedtime we’d do essentially the same thing every night – a holy habit or righteous ritual, if you will.
We’d take Reese into her room and all three of us would sit on the floor. Then we’d read a story from a children’s Bible we liked a great deal. It had a pretty good selection of Old and New Testament stories that were told quickly. It was all in verse, so it was kind of fun to read aloud.
After the story, we’d read a prayer from A Little Child’s First Prayers, which I found on the clearance rack at (the now defunct) Borders Bookstore.
Here’s an example from the prayerbook: Dear Lord, thank you for the rivers and streams, lakes, and ponds. They give us lovely places to visit and water to drink. There are many places in the world where people do not have enough water to drink or to grow their food. Please help us to help them.
Next we’d say the Lord’s Prayer and have a few moments of freelance prayer. We’d thank God for the day. We would pray for family members, friends, people in the congregation. We’d give thanks for the food we’d eaten that day. We’d pray about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. We’d give thanks for the cat. Basically, we’d pray about whatever our spirits offered up in the present moment.
(Side note: Reese, at a very young age, would often pray for someone named “Eeiighaaaboo”. We never could figure out who that was.)
Finally we’d sing Reese her night-night song and say goodnight. Here are the lyrics: Good night, (insert your child’s name here). Lay down and take you rest. We’re gonna lay your head upon the Savior’s breast. We love you, but Jesus loves you best. So we bid you good night, good night, gooood niiiight.
I was amazed then and even more amazed now by how much it meant to me to have that regular, habitual time with Mindy and Reese and the Lord. Times change, patterns shift, but that need is still there. As it should be.
How to fill that need now that things have changed?
Maybe I just need to get my backside off the couch and get back into the night-night family prayer habit. Or, perhaps by now bedtime has in fact become sacred Mother-Daughter time and so a new holy habit needs to emerge?
But, if Jesus, prayer, and connecting with my family in Christ are all important (and they are), then a new practice to demonstrate that must come into being. If it doesn’t, are those things truly important to me?
Think about it for a second: If I say eating is really important for my life, but I never make time and space to eat, am I telling the truth? Will I survive?
How are these kinds of things – prayer habits, connecting with people around Jesus, etc. – working for you? Do you need to switch things up? If you do, let me know. I can, after all, set you up with a really sweet rhyming children’s Bible.
A Reese’s Revenge from Karyssa…
Yes, Dad, it’s fine you wrote this about me.
I think Eeiighaaaboo was my imaginary friend.
The first version. The version before I found out that Mom had been pregnant before she was pregnant with me. Then Chris became my imaginary friend. Now my imaginary friends are my dolls. They’re intertwined with my personality.
I don’t remember the bedtime ritual from way back when I was really little. But I do remember the Rhyme Bible and the prayer book. And I remember the song. We still sing it every night. You come in for the singing pretty often. And for the Lord’s Prayer too.
The rituals change, but they still happen every night, except for the nights I’m conked out right when I hit the bed.
But the bedtime rituals change, evolve, and that’s OK.
There was a time mom would read me long novels as part of getting ready for bed. Anne of Green Gables. Narnia. Now that I read a lot myself, Mom and I watch a TV show or part of a movie a lot of nights before bed. It gives me something to think about.
And Mom and I have also added listing three thankfuls most nights before bed. We have 668 written in the book, I think. Our goal is 1000. So we still need 332. Prayer is still an important part of bedtime.
Sometimes I miss you, but usually I like just Mom at bedtime. It is bonding time. But, when Mom was gone Sunday nights every week for a year, you filled in fine. Prayed with me. Read me that mystery book with all the zoo animals in it. I think The Secret Zoo was the name.
You and I bond in a different way. We explore. We go around town. We hike. We get out of the house.
Rituals or habits can be good or bad. One bad habit for me is saying, “Dang it!” Another was chewing with my mouth open. I’m better about that now. Usually. Worrying too much can become a bad habit or ritual too.
Rituals are very important to me at bedtimes and at other times to0.
It’s hard for me to go off-ritual, especially at bedtime. Maybe it’s because I have never ever liked bedtime. I like being awake. It would be good if we didn’t have to sleep. I know you like to sleep, but I think it would be pretty good.
I remember my first night at camp. I was nervous when bedtime came, but then a great happenstance happened. My camp counselor sung us the same night song you and Mom have always sung me. Except she put “girls” in where my name would usually go.
Getting off-ritual is hard. Once I couldn’t fall asleep because I hadn’t brushed my teeth. Finally I got up and brushed them, and then I was able to go to sleep.
I have other rituals too.
I have a memory box. I heard about the idea somewhere and started doing it. I’m not going to tell you where it is. It’s hidden.
A lot of the stuff in it is kinda junky, but each thing is connected to a big, deep memory for me.
I have a picture of Daddy’s Dad in it. (That’s not junky.) I have a rock, some papers, a craft I made with a really good friend, my info sheet from my first Irish Dance Feis. There’s other things too. Choosing what goes in the box and putting it in is an important ritual for me.
Here’s another one. When I get home from school pretty soon after snack and homework I like to put a TV show on my tablet and play it in the background while I do my art. More than watch it, I sort of just listen to the show. Kinda like radio for my ears while I work.
That daily ritual helps my body relax, and it also helps me get better at art, at making miniature things. When I’m doing it I’m calm, and it’s like my hands just know what to do. The ritual becomes full of joy and happiness for me.
I think most everyone can find a ritual that involves their gifts, if they’re open to looking for it. And that ritual becomes a good time with God.
If I were going to design a ritual habit to focus on God it would involve a lot of calm, slow breathing and relaxation exercises. It would have quiet time to pray whatever comes to mind. They’re probably be coloring. The goal would be to give your mind to God. It would be twenty minutes.
But I could probably only do it for ten.